Thursday, September 2, 2010

Craigslist ad of the day. the week. the month.

This is too good not to share, with a quick edit cleanup, cuz that's what I do.
And, yes, I was trolling for used sofa beds on Craigslist. (I hate the recession with the white hot heat of a thousand suns.)

p.s. if you know of a good place for cheap beds that look like lounging furniture, (economical. i meant to say economical) or have a relatively decent sofa bed to sell, do call.

The most uncomfortable Sofa Bed EVER!! $250 (Mercer Island)
Date: 2010-08-26, 10:10AM

Ok. If you read that title and still clicked the link to read this ad, either a) you're just looking to see who would be stupid enough to title an ad that way; b) you thought you'd have a look to see if there was something funny inside; or c) you are a masochist and you really NEED the "Couch Of Pain," " The Davenport Of Doom," The "Marquis De Sofa." No matter which of those descriptions best matches you, read on. I'm not here to judge, just to unload this couch.

I don't know how old this thing is. I have reason to suspect that it was used in the inquisition. As far as what brand sofa it is? Couldn't tell you.

What I DO know is that it is a sofa and it pulls out into a bed. Oh, and the stupid things weighs roughly six thousand pounds! I think it has left divots in the concrete slab under my carpet. Bring your strong friends to load this.

It is just under 6 feet long so if you are exactly six feet tall, like me, you can't nap on this sucker without risking a serious neck "crick."

When you pull the bed out, you had better be prepared to sleep diagonally if you are so much as a hair over six feet tall. Now, if you are EXACTLY six feet tall, that bar that supports the mattress is going to make you hurt in your middle back. If you sleep diagonally your gonna have pain that starts just below one shoulder and goes to the opposite hip. If you intend to sleep all night on this thing, you may want to switch it up about half way through the night so you'll at least spread the agony out.

There are no tears, stains, pestillance or fire damage on the couch. Interestingly, I couldn't get it to light.

The mattress has some sort of stain on its under side. I'm guessing somebody died on it a few generations ago but all I can figure (seeing as how the stain is on the under side) is that somebody was sleeping on it and got folded up in it. The couch probably decided to eat them. At any rate, the stain never comes in contact with you while you are on it. Unless of course the couch gets hungry again, then all bets are off.

If you decide you need this couch, I also know all the chiropractors within about a 10 mile radius of the island, and I will be happy to give you their phone numbers.

I've taken several photos of this thing to try and properly capture the pure evil that resides within. This one, I think, best does the job.

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